Liar

Am I?

I think my life is built on lies, which I tell many people every day for survival. When you know people around you won’t accept the right answers, you start lying to them to minimize the argument, reduce the shame imposed on you when you speak the truth, and slowly it becomes a habit. It essentially doesn’t mean I am a bad person, or that I don’t speak the truth at all. I am very much self-aware, but lying gave me some freedom in life that truth would never.

I remember the very first time I lied, as I scored 72 in maths out of 100. The shame of having scored very less in my second standard and the fear of revealing it to my parents, who expected more from me, led me to lie for the first time. I lied again when I stepped out for a birthday party, as my friend and I collectively planned to lie that it was at a girl’s place, because our parents would deny sending us if it were at a boy’s place. I lied to a boy that I was committed, because if I were single, this guy wouldn’t give up.

I can write a whole book on how I lied. Sometimes I lied to protect that good girl image to my parents, sometimes I lied to please people. Other times, because the truth costs my freedom. And sometimes I am scared of the outcomes the truth would cause. I have lied on several occasions; sometimes it comes naturally as a reflex now to protect my mental peace.

I discussed this with my therapist about this habit and how I feel guilty of not being able to openly tell the truth. She said I do it for survival, and it is okay, as it makes my life easier and gives me mental peace.
Honesty is the best policy, but can everyone afford it? Does everyone have that privilege?

My friend often lies that she stays with her boyfriend because her parents wouldn’t accept it and would drag her into a bad marriage. My homosexual friend hides their sexuality because the world isn’t too kind to accept that. My parents lie about the guys to convince me to get married. My colleague avails sick leave during her menstrual days, citing fever as the reason.

Sundar is a movie character who lies indefinitely as he grows up in an environment where lying feels safe.

“Maybe it’s okay as long as we’re self-aware and not lying to ourselves. It’s okay if we’re doing it for survival, as long as we’re not dismissing any of the feelings we carry within us or harming anyone in the process .”